I started the blog last year when my older daughter went off to college and I felt a bit lost even though I had a sixteen year old at home. My older daughter leaving set off something inside of me, which I though was my poor husband's fault and I was experiencing extreme empty-nesting syndrome. I had not posted any blog since that first blog. I had tumultuous year. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally and life matters wise. First, I had been laid off. I figured I would take time and spend it on my family, which in the end turned out to be the best decision yet. I will spend time talking about that later. Second, I hit rock bottom, spiritually. I felt I had lost all hope in humanity, and my faith in GOD, I did not have a problem with GOD, I had a problem in wondering why I should believe, when nothing good ever happens. I had, still do honestly, a huge problem with the church body as a whole. I will explain later. Then, I felt my marriage was broken, I was broken in the marriage. Last, all my kids are grown. No one no longer needed me. That hit me so hard, it left me grasping for a purpose, gasping for air. I realized that I love working with children because I am needed. I feel successful with the preparation of childrens' education and their success as citizens. So, with no one to need me, I felt….Unwanted, without a purpose and that drove me over the edge, literally. I probably was the classic of a mental breakdown. It was ugly. From January 2010 to February 2010, I was a hot mess, that was a witch on wheels looking to get in a fight with anyone about anything. I was negative(normally I am not)I was moody, and suffered insomnia, bad. I ended up gaining weight(too much) due to all of this. I really was as low as I could get. But, it was what I needed.
You see, I had been praying for change. Crying out for change in my marriage, in my life. Well, it came . Heavy and hard.
more next time:).
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